Auburn
by Georgiaish
Summary: Chakotay visits Kathryn years after death. Not too dark, but still angsty. Rated for character death.


Disclaimer – I don't own Star trek or any of the characters portrayed in this fanfic.

**This is just a short, angsty one-shot featuring Chakotay visiting Kathryn's grave years after her death. All smiles then! xD I'm not really sure where all this angst is coming from... but I'm beginning to get slightly concerned!**

**I suppose this could be seen as an alternate Endgame, because it's a bit similar to the scene in which Admiral Janeway visits Chakotay's grave. Just a bit of role reversal.**

**Enjoy (and review!)**

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Grave

"Good morning, it's... been a while since we spoke last, hasn't it?"

The landscape remained still and quiet, and the only sounds he heard were that of his own heavy breaths, sharper than usual after the steady climb up the hill to where she lay.

"But I brought you flowers." A bouquet of pink roses are clenched tightly in his hands, his fingers are shaking from the force of which he is holding them. The thorns are sharp, like small daggers tearing through his skin; he doesn't feel the pain. Crimson blood drips from the wounds, making the green of the grass less so. "They're roses, your favourite." With trembling hands he sets them down. His blood is beginning to stain the flowers, its dark, rich pigment spreading across the pink petals.

"I've so much to tell you. That's probably because it's been so long... sorry I didn't make more time."

He knelt down against the gravestone, the wet snow seeping in through his trousers and sent sharp pain through his kneecaps, but he doesn't care; the only thing that mattered was the person he came to visit.

His worn hands traced the stone and his fingers traced the words written upon it, his vision was so blurred that he couldn't read the inscription, not that it really mattered; he had subconsciously memorised them years ago.

"I think about you every day, you know. Some days more than others." He chuckles, his breath comes out as white mist and falls upon the headstone. "I still miss you, seventeen years and I still miss you. I never thought I'd last this long." He gives a wry smile, tinged with jealousy and longing. "I always wanted to go first."

He was quiet then, almost content with knowing her presence was closer to him than it had been in over a year.

"You would have loved today, Kathryn. So crisp and fresh, like the day we returned to Earth, the day you got us all home. I remember the cold had come as a shock to us all, how the first gust of icy air had made you gasp with shock and made you hold my hand as we set foot on Earth again." He smiled at the memory and leant against the headstone, breathing heavily against the cold.

"Was it nerves that made you do that, Kathryn? Or something more? I never noticed the look you gave me when I went to Seven, but I've heard it was like nothing else, many people told me. I think I was the only one who didn't know" he sighed remorsefully, the lump at the back of his throat burnt raw.

"Oh, yes. Tom was the first one to tell me what an old fool I was being, but I didn't even listen to him. Or B'Elanna, not even B'Elanna..." he mused, almost expecting to hear her husky chuckle, see her bright eyes, forgiving and joyful, and hear her tell him that he was being unnecessarily depressing and that she loved him anyway. Yes, he could almost hear it.

He remembered the night Seven left, a bright day, ironically, in early Spring, not long after _Voyager_'s return to the Alpha Quadrant. And not long before...

He cleared his throat and changed the subject; Kathryn would hate to see him like this. "Speaking of which, it was B'Elanna's birthday last month, so of course Tom threw an extravagant party, even more so than last year. You would have loved it Kathryn! Everyone back together again, just like the parties on _Voyager. _Except from, well..."

"I miss you so much, Kathryn. So much that no-one understands." He takes a deep, shuddering breath, unwilling to let anymore tears fall. "And... I love you, Kathryn. But I left it too late, didn't I? Too late,"

He didn't hear the hesitant footsteps approaching him.

"Still, after all this time Chakotay?" The words weren't harsh or mocking, and he could feel the sympathy that was laced within them.

He leant against his cane for support as he stood, his weary joints aching in resistance and his blurred vision remained fixed on the words on the headstone.

The memories flew at him then, as he gazed down to his lover as he had done before in the flesh and he saw her, strong, radiant and beautiful. Vivid images of dreams that had never been able to make a reality swam before him along with distorted clips of experiences he couldn't remember existing.

The tears overflowed then and he felt there bittersweet feeling as they trickled slowly down his cheeks.

"Always."


End file.
